I recently attended a physician leadership conference where the messages were dominated by such themes as "have fun," "stop and smell the roses," "get regular exercise and eat healthy," "stay focused," and "collaborate and get out of your silo." We were asked to turn off our cell phones and pagers, so at every break there was a mad dash for the phone. For half the day, I was worried about how many e-mails, patient call backups, and refills I would be facing at the end. For the other half, I was thinking about how I could pick up dinner that would not be grossly unhealthy, whether I missed a deadline on a letter a colleague needed for promotion, and if my daughter drove home safely from school.
Does any of this sound familiar? It seems that many of us are multitasking and not exactly feeling focused, balanced, refreshed, or in control. For years, a colleague and I have organized a workshop at the American Psychiatric Association’s annual meeting on "Children of Psychiatrists" because we found ourselves wondering about the potential damage that we were doing to our children because of our careers in academic psychiatry. At the workshop, we are continually amazed by the honesty and forthrightness of our speakers and attendees in reflecting on how to balance the range of relationships, duties, and responsibilities we all regularly encounter.
Though I believe the presenters at the leadership conference were genuine in their admonitions and their goals were laudable, how do we manage and balance our own various roles and responsibilities? How do we provide excellent patient care, manage to stay up-to-date with our journals and readings, stay on track for promotion, and continue to learn and grow after we reach our mid- or late careers, while exercising and eating healthy and not burning out? How do we nourish our relationships and help our children develop and mature into happy and strong individuals while also traveling, attending committee and dinner meetings, and writing grants? The list of questions is long, and I frankly do not know the answers. Like many things in life, when I get stuck, I ask my two daughters, Alissa, 29, and Erica, 17, who kindly provided some comments and perspectives on the idea of balance (Appendix 1).
Balancing work, family, and personal life takes a lot of effort—it is not easy. It is a very personal subject, but all of us are seeking the same things—to try to find a way to juggle the multiple demands placed on us while at the same time enjoying life, not getting burned out, and doing a good job. Making the problem even more complex, we all go through different stages in life. Even if we are "balanced" during one phase, we might not remain so for the next. A nanny or babysitter we had for 1 year (or 1 month) decides to go back to school or calls in sick, and this sets us in a tailspin. Since we all have different families and different levels of responsibilities at work and at home, it is impossible to generalize. I do think, though, that there are ways to learn from one another, so I will offer some suggestions that may be helpful and things that have worked for me over the years.
In sum, I appreciate the great honor and privilege to share some of our family’s ways (and lack thereof) of "balancing." This list is always changing, so maybe there will be new ones next time!